From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Spmg*d, Lord of Potted Meat Product) Subject: newgroup alt.spleen Date: 17 Jul 92 00:28:34 GMT Discussion of alternative body functions -- /---------------------------\ |S / |don't fear the hippie | \_______________________________ |P \ |he's got mind control -dm| / spamgod is: email@example.com |L \--------|------------------/ |E P| i was driving at the speed of light and turned on my |E E| headlights, the light piled up on my windshield like |N A| wet toilet paper. /-------------|-----\ C| --------------------< |Yak Cheese Abuser| > E| \-------------------/
You can contact Spamgod at firstname.lastname@example.org, or check out his home page: <http://www.warped.com/~spamgod>
"Trephination is -- as I recall -- is use of a circular blade [similar to a core drill] to cut a hole in the skull ...Usual reasons for trephination are crude brain surgery/implants, substitute for illegal mind-altering drugs, as documented in somebody's home movie of self-trephination. Go ask about it on rec.arts.bodyart."
"The whole reaso trephination was invented was to make squicking easier. While crude brain-surgery, and altering one's mind are noble pastimes, don't forget why Trephination was invented. Can you imagine what squickers did before the invention of drills? It must have been hell trying to slowly whittle away at or hammer a hole in the skull of their partner.
"Now as everyone knows, spam was invented as a substitute for brain matter. Only real brains will do for a good squicking, but sometimes a squicking-addict finds himself in a location where no brains are readily available (a college frathouse for example). For this reason, spam was invented. In fact, the original development name for the product we all know as spam was, 'I Can't Believe It's Not Cranial Tissue'. Try it sometime. Drill a hole in a large tin of spam and pork (heh) till your heart's content."
"I have discovered why Margaret Thatcher fell from power. She had a spleenectomy in 1991. AND she didn't use the sacred word of Spleenage, that I shall impart to you spleen lovers. Say this often to help your spleen. 'Boogaloo!'"
No, scratch that, I don't feel bad for them.
Gerard Malanga has this to say:
"It was bad. He almost did die. His pulse was so low that he was pretty much pronounced clinically dead. There was at least two, maybe three bullets. He lost his spleen. He lost part of a lung or a liver. For a year he had to wear a corset to keep his intesties in place."
(from McNeil & McCain, 1996)
(complaints to email@example.com, who posted the joke)
"And the skies darkened and did worms and frogs and small pink drink umbrellas with flamingos painted on them fall from the heavens; and verily did the sidewalks rumble and television shows were preempted for no good reason at all but to show some gimpy septuplets; this would be the first sign. And in Aspen one ex-variety-show host turned politician ate it big time on the slopes, and lo, Keith was named holy patriarch of the newsgroup. Amen."
"... you never see anyone talk about the spleen. Only in secret meetings of the Up with Spleens group, does anyone ever mention this organ. We need to be more conscious of our spleens or one day they will revolt and leave their jobs."
Clearly the development of public forums like alt.spleen is a new and radical idea, a way to get the public to recognize the wondrousness and importance of the greatest of internal organs.
"Having an SO without a spleen means you can clone your own spleen in the cavity from the other's splenectomy. This is a kinky perversion popular with graduates from Townshend Harris High School (in NYC). The idea apparent extends from a desire to have complete spleen compatability. With this lovers can exchange spleens as loving momentos during times of separation.
It is of course possible to exchange spleens without having this full compatibilty, but then there is an adjustment period both parties must go through until each become acquainted with the new organ. This is preferred in some S&M relationships.
Even if spleens will not be exchanged while the lovers are apart, some still like the idea of a loved one living off part of themselves, as happens with the spleen cloning."
He notes, however, that research in this area remains to be done, specifically liver-transplant style versus spleen culturing.
B. P. Smith (B.P.Smith@bradford.ac.uk) offers the following explanation:
"Probably the pizza delivery guy has a spleen for a brain and this has created an empathic link to your spleen which gives these crazes for pizza consumption. So the best way to stop it is either to have a splenectomy (unthinkable) or to shoot the pizza guy in the head. Reach for the revolver I say."
"i think maybe we're getting them all wrong. the might be a cult of ancient Spleen-worshipping druids. i seem to remember a sect that talked on OB-fuscated speech, and spoke entirely in lies. so when they say something like 'pobay nobo hobeed tobo thobe obalt.splobeen FOBAQ', that translates roughly to 'oh, exalted alt.spleen FAQ, we hold you in the highest esteem and worship at your very characters!'"
Since then, I have done further research into this sect. It seems that these ancient Druids have been worshipping the spleen longer than most religions have existed, and we should pay heed and give reverence to these most ancient people. Their love of the spleen is great, even if it is hard to read their posts.
"Portions of SPLEEN could be considered offensive to some, tasteless to others, pointless to most everyone."